~~Darkest Thoughts on Fire~~

Kaikki mitä mä annoin . . . . . My story website

Thu, 06 Apr 2006 10:19:49 GMT

well i have finally made a website just for my stories. they are all sepreated into their respective catagories and i know that some of you have never read any of them except for my VAM stories wich i post on the Vam community. i do have my personal Favs, but i shall let you look and judge for yourselves. so here is the link to my lovely site . . . check it out.

Kaikki mitä mä annoin (my site's name)

check it out and tell me what you think . . . . . either email me or leave me a comment.

*Much Love and Razorblade Kisses*

Heather aka Heartache

~~Drunken Nights~~

Thu, 30 Mar 2006 04:33:22 GMT

Name: ~*~Drunken Nights~*~
Summery: Jussi and Ville one shot, pure smut.
Rating: NC-17
Genre: is smut a genre?
Pairing: Jussi/Ville
Warnings: you know the ususal.

Jussi knocked on the oak wood door and waited. Soon he heard footsteps and the door opened.

“Jussi, come in, come in.” Ville said ushering Jussi into his apartment.

“What did you want to tell me? You call me up and tell me I have to get over here. What’s up?” Jussi asked taking a seat on the couch.

“Bam and Missy broke up. He is on his way here right this minute.” Ville said as he acted like a school girl.

“I might finally have my chance with him.” Ville said taking a seat.

Jussi knew that this was a long shot. He knew that Bam was more of a receiver than a giver. He thought Bam cared for Ville, but not in the way Ville hoped he did. Jussi wished he could rid Ville of his obsession with the skater boy, but knew it was impossible. But he was his friend and had to try, even if it did nothing.

“Ville I know you always hoped that you and Bam may be a thing. But I don’t see it happening; he just cares about himself not you.” Jussi said knowing the response he would get and boy did he get it.

“That’s not true my Bammi loves me. I know he does! You don’t know him like I do. You’re just jealous of how good of friends we are.” Ville said crossing his arms as he began to pout like a child, a tear sliding down his cheek.

Jussi started to feel bad, he hated to see Ville pout. He wanted to be mad at Ville for thinking he had a chance, but he could never be mad at a face like his. Jussi smiled at Ville as he pulled him into a hug.

“I’m sorry Vil. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just know that you deserve better.”

“I know you care Jussi, and you know I care about you right?”

“Yeah I know.” Jussi said placing a small kiss on Ville’s lips. Jussi pulled hi closer as he deepened the kiss. Ville kissed back, giving into him. But soon Ville pushed him away, a look of shock on his face. Ville raised his hand and SMACK! Hit Jussi across the cheek.

“How could you do that?” was all Ville could say before Jussi crashed his lips to his.

Ville struggled under hi, trying to break the kiss, but Jussi would not let him. He wanted Ville to forget about the spoiled skater boy. He wanted Ville to only think of him. Ville’s body started to relax after a few minutes and he gave in fully to Jussi, returning the passion filled kisses. He smiled into the kiss as Ville gave in. now was his chance to make Ville completely forget that Bam existed.

Jussi laid him down on the couch, deepening the kiss. He started to lick Ville’s bottom lips, as if asking for entry. Ville slowly opened his mouth and let Jussi’s tongue roam his mouth. Their tongues danced with one another, tasting one another. Jussi let his hands roam Ville’s pale body. He broke the kiss only for a moment, so he could remove his shirt and Ville’s. Ville’s still confused eyes met his.

“Jussi?” his question was breathless and met with only a sly grin and a slow shake of Jussi’s head.

“No more questions’ Ville.” Jussi whispered as he lifted the shirt off of Ville’s body.

A quiet moment passed between the two before Ville’s eyes darkened, wrapping his arms around Jussi’s warm neck and pulling him down into a bruising kiss. Ville soon took control, forgetting all about the skater boy on his way to visit him. All that was on his mind was Jussi. Ville rolled him over onto his back as he stared at Jussi’s well toned body. Ville let his fingers lightly trace over Jussi’s six pack, tracing each muscle as he watched Jussi shiver beneath him. He pulled Jussi to him, kissing him deeply, as he worked on Jussi’s pants. Jussi started to unzipper Ville’s jeans when suddenly Ville pulled away from him. Ville slid Jussi’s pants and boxers off in one fail swoop. He took a moment to look over Jussi’s oh so sexy body, memorizing every curve and crevice. Ville’s eyes finally focused on Jussi’s now rock hard cock.

“Ohh so nice.” he said as he attacked Jussi’s neck with his lips.

He worked his way down Jussi’s body, nibbling and kissing his way down. Jussi let a small moan escape his lips. Ville kissed his stomach one final time before taking Jussi’s cock in his hand. He started to stroke it slowly, listening to the small moans coming out of Jussi. Jussi could not take it anymore. He placed his hand on Ville’s chest and pushed him into a sitting position. He got up off the couch and placed himself between Ville’s legs. He took hold of Ville’s pants and took them off quickly, letting Ville’s cock finally out of its prison.

“I see someone is excited.” he said as he took Ville’s cock in his hand.

Ville moaned as Jussi stroked him, long and hard. Ville arched his head back, enjoying the contact. Jussi smiled as Ville did this, knowing how to make him moan even more. He took Ville’s cock in his mouth as Ville bucked his hips. Ville was surprised at the sudden feeling of Jussi’s hot mouth over his cock.

“Oh god.” he said as Jussi started to suck harder. Jussi knew what Ville liked and what he didn’t. He knew how to please him, and please him he would. But he knew that Ville loved to be in the bedroom not on a couch. So he slowly released Ville’s cock from his mouth, Ville groaned as he did this.

“Bedroom.” he said as he took Ville’s hand and led him into the bedroom. Once inside he pushed Ville onto the bed. He traced Ville’s tattoo’s hearing Ville breath deeply as he did. Once Jussi was done teasing a bit, he again took Ville’s cock in his hand. He slowly started to lick up and down Ville’s cock before taking it into his hot mouth. Ville moaned as he felt Jussi’s mouth taking him again. He looked down and watched as Jussi’s head bobbed up and down, sucking him hard and fast. Jussi wanted to give Ville a mind blowing orgasm and he knew exactly how to do that. He lifted his hand to Ville’s mouth and as if knowing what was happening, Ville took Jussi’s fingers in his mouth, sucking on them. He soon pulled his finger out of Ville mouth and placed one at his entrance. He slowly pushed his finger inside Ville; he let out a shuddered gasp. Jussi continued to suck as he pushed his finger deeper inside Ville. He soon placed a second finger inside him, a loud moan escaping Ville’s lips. He started to move his fingers deeper, and soon found what he was looking for, Ville’s prostate. He kept sucking as he hit Ville’s prostate a few more times. Ville couldn’t control himself anymore. He bucked his hips and moaned uncontrollably as he finally cam, in one huge burst of pleasure. Jussi rode out Ville’s orgasm before he got up and placed a kiss on Ville’s lips.

“You ready for me?” he asked as he got out some lube and a condom.

Ville only nodded as he watched Jussi roll on a condom over his huge cock. Jussi placed some lube on himself. He positioned himself and looked to Ville, Ville nodded as he slowly pushed into him. Ville let out a gasp as Jussi filled him. Jussi waited a moment before moving, he wanted to let the pain subside a bit. Once Ville didn’t have a look of horror on his face. He started to slowly move, using long slow thrusts. He smiled as Ville moaned beneath him.

“Harder . . . . . . Fuck . . . . . Me.” Ville said between moans.

He did as Ville wished and increased his speed, pounding into him hard. The room was silent except for their moans. Jussi grabbed Ville’s now erect cock and started to jack him off, keeping in time with his thrusts. He soon felt Ville start to tense up. Ville let out a loud moan as Jussi felt warm liquid pour over his hand. He felt Ville’s muscles tighten around him as Ville had hit his orgasm; this sent him over the edge. He thrusted into Ville and with once final thrust he spilt into Ville. He collapsed on top of Ville, his breath unsteady. He slowly rolled off of Ville as he finally caught his breath.

“I know Bam can’t do that to you.” he said as he smiled at Ville.

Jussi awoke in a sweat, he look around and realized he was at home in his bed. He looked down and realized he was still in his clothes and that he was alone. It had all had been a dream.

“Man I have to quit drinking.” Jussi said as his roller over and fell back asleep.

New Web Site

Sat, 18 Mar 2006 01:55:51 GMT

well i made a new website a few weeks ago so i thought i would give the link here . . . you can find all sorts of stuff there. HIM videos, Negative Videos, 69 Eyes videos . . . . . . . even some of my stories.
so check it out and tell me what you think.

My Site

ill try to update the site as much as i can . . . im even working on making it a flash site-lol

hope you like it

69 Eyes Concert

Thu, 09 Mar 2006 07:49:21 GMT

well the concert was so fucking wonderful. i had a fucking blast . . . one of
the best concerts ive been to in a long time. i took a shitload of pics and alot
of them came out pretty good. most of them are of Jussi but there are a few in
there that arent Jussi-lol there are also a few pics of me after the concert
when i got home.

Pics

i also took some video. . . . . so here are the links:

Lost Boys

Brandon Lee

Wasting the Dawn

hope you all like what i got and i have to say i cant wait for the 69 Eyes to do
this again . . . i will be at every show they do from now on.

they are just fucking awesome live-lol

Sorry

Tue, 12 Jul 2005 18:39:44 GMT

okay okay i know its been a loooong time since i updated. ive been busy i finally got a job at Choice Cig Outlet. its a cool job but i have to say I HATE SHOPLIFTERS!!! anyway . . . nothing else really going on. ive started my own forum just for Ville Valo Fan Fic. if your wondering Ville Valo is the lead singer of the Finnish Band HIM. my birthdat is coming up 15 more days til im 21 YAY. i alos hope to get my new tattoo today. i cant wait im so excited. well i gotta go need to do some cleaning.

~Boo

Stole this From Aprille

Thu, 21 Apr 2005 08:07:49 GMT

You Know You're From Pittsburgh When...

"Hey Yuz Guyz" is your traditional greeting.

You know the time and location of every Wing Night in a 10 mile radius.

You know the location of the following towns, know someone from them and have spent time there: Monongahela, Altoona, Bethlehem, Ligonier, Harmony, and Wilmerding.

You've memorized lines from the movie "Flashdance".

If you're a guy, your biggest fear is seeing your best friend drive into the "fruit loop". You're second biggest fear is seeing him drive out with Kordel Stewart.

If you're a girl, you're biggest fear is getting hit on by a hairy-chested man, heavily weighted in gold chains, who refers to his friends as "junior" at Chauncey's.

Your latest cultural experience: On your way to partying at Slippery Rock University, having to stop your car to let the Amish buggy cross the street.

As your out-of-town friends brag about their latest trips to Europe, you think to yourself, "Polish Hill will suffice."

You eat out at least once a week at a mafia-owned Italian pizza parlor.

Your father has worked for the same company for over 20 years.

You don't see what all the hype is about Disney World when Kennywood is just around the corner.

You're having a hard time on where to take your date out for dinner and a night on the town: - "meat on a stick" in the south side and the guzzling IC Light at Jack's... Or splitting an order of "O fries" and guzzling IC Light at Peter's Pub.

" N at' " is eloquently added to the end of every sentence.

You've taken deliberate field trips to the Andy Warhol museum.

You water ski on the Youghiogheny River Lake.

You feel the only good bands out there are Donny Iris, Joe Grushecky, The Blue Oyster Cult, and of course.... Rusted Root.

You're more worried about Jerome Bettis's health than your own.

You own more than one original Terrible Towel.

You don't understand what all the hype is about for Rolling Rock beer. You've been drinking it for years, although Penn Pilsner is better.

You consider a great vacation a trip to Conneaut Lake or Lake Erie. For something a little more exotic, a trip to the Jersey shore.

You're 35 years old, have never been outside of Allegheny County, and don't see the need to leave.

You only own four spices: salt, pepper, Heinz ketchup, and the bottle of Trappey's Red Devil you swiped from Primanti's.

For the life of you, you can't understand why your all your out-of-town friends don't get the "fries and cole slaw" thing...

You have 101 favorite recipes for kolbasi and sauerkraut.

Words like: hoagie; chipped ham; pop; and gumband actually mean something to you.

You can use the phrase "Firehall Wedding" and not even bat an eye.

You walk carefully when it is "slippy" outside.

You often go down to the "crick".

You have to "red up", before company comes over.

You've ever gotten hurt by falling into a "jaggerbush".

You know that Ahia is a river, a boulevard, and a state.

You've ever "warshed" or "wershed" the laundry.

You know you can't drive too fast on back roads,cause-udda-deer.

You've drank an "Arn" .

You've told someone to "quit jaggin around".

You know that Clinton, Monaca, and Beaver, are actually names of towns.

You've called someone a 'jaggoff'.

You hear "you guyses", or "yins" and don't think twice.

You hate Cleveland, although you've never been there.

You drink "pop", eat "hoagies", pierogies, and gyros(jy-rows).

You know what a still mill is.

You can find Zillionopal on a map.

You go 'food shoppin' at 'Jine Iggle'.

You believe that "Ize" is the abbreviaton for "I was.

You know someone from 'Sliberty, E-sliberty, or Wesliberty.

You know the Pittsburgh Zoo is in 'Hilinpark' and have been there for school field trips.

You know what is meant by "The Point".

Chipped ham was always in your refrigerator when you were growing up.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Pittsburgh.

Nothing Really

Thu, 21 Apr 2005 07:39:04 GMT

nothing really new to report. i got Viva La Bam season 2 and 3 the other day so that made me happy. Dan took me to dinner and we had a nice sat night. seperated my magic cards. learning Finnish. see nothing really exciting. got a comment from Cathy that made me sooooooooo happy!!!! i miss her so much. maybe if i ever get some money ill take my trip to Helsinki, Finland and then go visit her.(IF i ever get the money-lol) but i hope that i can talk to her more often. Cathy if ur reading this luv ya hunny give the boys kisses for me!!!! Näkemiin :)

~Boo

Boring Day

Sun, 10 Apr 2005 03:38:25 GMT

Well today was a boring day. didnt really do much. last night was cool though. went out with Dan and hung out over his friends house. doesnt sound like fun but it was. im mostly waiting around to go on a small vacation to stay with my cousin in Ohio. it should be fun. at least ill be able to get away from Pittsburgh for a while. but the only bad thing is that he doesnt have internet. i dont know if i can live without it. i spend so much of my time on the internet. but i guess if i wanna get away then i have to live with it. but anyway . . . . . . . the new HIM DVD comes out April 18th but only in europe right now. im still gonna try to get it. well when i have the money. well im getting ready to go over Czer's. just wanted to update.

~Boo

Fri, 08 Apr 2005 03:36:52 GMT

HIM survey
Created by diabolikalXrapture and taken 39 times on bzoink!
What is your favorite HIM album?	i cant choose i love them all
What is your favorite HIM song?	right now its Beyond Redemption
How many of their CD's do you have?	all of them including the singles collection
Have you seen them live? How many times?	yes once before i was a fan the concert made me fall in love with them
How long have you been a fan?	about a year
Who is your favorite member of HIM?	Ville
Do you think it's bad that HIM recycles lyrics sometimes?	nope
What's your favorite HIM lyric?	your love is a razorblade kiss
What HIM song can you relate to the most?	Heartache Every Moment
Do you like HIM because Bam does?	nope
Can you speak Finnish?	a little but im learning its a beautiful language
Is there a HIM song that you don't like as well as others?	nope
Do you have any of the tattoos that the members of HIM have?	yes the one Ville has on his stomach
Do you only like HIM because you think Ville's hot?	no
Do you think Ville's hot?	yes
Do you think Burton's hot?	kinda
...Lily?	kinda
...Mige?	no
...Gas?	no
Have you got any of the members' autographs?	no but i hope to
Create a Survey \| Search Surveys \| Go to bzoink!

Bored-lol

Fri, 08 Apr 2005 03:35:39 GMT

The HIM lovers Survey
Created by sxpoisongirlxs and taken 44 times on bzoink!
band members - put an x if u think their cute, - if no
Ville	x
Linde	x
Mige	-
Gas	-
Burton	x
Albums you own - yes or no
And Love Said No - Greatest Hits 1997-2004	yes
Love Metal	yes
Deep Shadows & Brilliant Highlights	yes
Razorblade Romance	yes
Greatest Lovesongs Vol. 666	yes
Singels you own - yes or no
Right Here In In My Arms	yes
Pretending	yes
Poison Girl	yes
Join Me	yes
In Joy And Sorrow	yes
Heartache Every Moment & Close To The Flame	yes
Gone With The Sin	yes
Random Questions
How many times have you seen HIM live	yes once before i became a fan. the concert kinda made me fall in love with them
Do you have any autographs from HIM members	nope
Are you a member of www.heartagram.com	yep
Have you ever written them fan mail	nope
Did you ever get a response
Do you still think you're a really great fan???	kinda
Create a Survey \| Search Surveys \| Go to bzoink!

Thu, 07 Apr 2005 09:17:18 GMT

Everything Anyone Ever Wanted To Know About You
Created by LaBelleAmie and taken 10734 times on bzoink!
The Basic Stuff
Name?	Heather
Age?	20
Height?	5 foot even
Weight?	140
Birthday?	07-27-1984
Birthplace?	Boilox. Mississippi
Current Location?	Pittsburgh, PA
School/Grade?	Taking a break from college
Zodiac Sign?	Leo
Chinese Zodiac Sign?	???????
Righty or Lefty?	Righty
Haircolor?	Brown
Eyecolor?	Brown
Skin Color?	PALE
About You
What's Your Family Situation (Parents, Siblings, etc)?	Living With Dad and Brother
Any Pets?	yes
If So What Are They?	2 cats
Favorite Relative?	My cousin John
Least Favorite Relative?	My grandfather
What's Your Heritage/Race?	pennsylvania dutch, welsh, greman, and irish(i think)-lol
Political Affilation?	N/A
Love & Sex
Sexuality?	Straight
Are You In A Relationship Now?	no
If So, With Whom?	N/A
For How Long?	N/A
Are You In Love?	N/A
Do You Have A Crush On Anyone?	yes
Ever Had A Crush On Someone Of The Same Sex?	nope
How Old Were You When You Had Your First Kiss?	12
Virgin?	nope
If Not, How Old Were You When You Had Sex For The First Time?	14
Was It Enjoyable?	yeppers
What's The Farthest You've Ever Gone?	^^
Where Do You Most Like To Be Kissed?	neck
Best Love Quote?	"Real Love Is Forever"
Your Friends
Best?	Dan, Niki
How Many Do You Have?	Alot
More Guys Or Girls?	guys
Love Them All?	yeppers
Any You Wish You Were Closer To?	Cathy
Oldest?	Niki
Newest?
Pen Pal?
Friends And Words: Associate Them
Pen	paper
Flower	rose
Pink	HIM
Window	open
Heart	Ville
Mother	goose
Bread	butter
Insane	normal
Sunglasses	sun
Pimp	juice
Cross	heart
Lonely	afraid
Car	fast
Music	Ville
This Or That
Boxers or Briefs?	boxers
Thongs or G-Strings?	depends
Shorts or Pants?	pants
Shoes or Barefeet?	barefeet
Books or Movies?	movies
Night or Day?	night
Dark or Light?	dark
Mountains or Beach?	mountains
Snow or Sun?	sun
Pepsi or Coke?	pepsi
Guys or Girls?	guys
Swim or Surf?	swim
For or Against
Gay Marriage?	for
Abortion?	depends
Bush Getting Re-elected?	Against
Suicide?	depends
War?	against
Pants?	for
Clothes In General?	for
Penises?	umm . . . . .
Favorites
Color?	Blue
Number?	13
Holiday?	Halloween
Season?	Fall
Movie?	Haggard
Book?	Harry Potter
Magazine?
Food?	Pizza
Drink?	Pepsi
TV Show?	Viva La Bam
Song?	"Beyond Redemption" ~HIM (as of right now)
Band?	HIM
Computer Game?	Rollercoaster tycoon 2
Video Game?	Tony Hawk Underground 2
Anime/Manga?
Shirt?	My HIM Shirt
Pants?	Mudd Jeans
Actor?	Johnny Depp
Actress?	Anjelina Jolie
Singer?	Ville Valo
Flower?	Rose
Scent?	Tommy
Animal?	Kittys
Cookie?	Oreo
The Future
Want To Go To College?	Was but taking a break
What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?	have no clue
Want To Get Married?	Yes
Want To Have Kids?	Yes
What Would Their Names Be?	Girl: Angelus Clover Boys: Brandon Ville/Jason Skyler
How Many?	2-4
Where Do You Want To Live?	Anywhere
Where Do You Want To Get Married?	Outside in a field on Halloween
How Do You Want To Die?	Old in my bed
More Stuff About You
Piercings?	3: belly button, lip, eyebrow
Tattoos?	1: heartagram tattoo on my shoulders
Smoke?	yes
Drink?	sometimes
Do Drugs?	nope
Skinny Dip?	nope
Greatest Fear?	dieing alone
Chocolate or Vanilla?	chocolate
Go To Church?	nope
Religion?
Scars?	yes
CDs Owned?	like 200
Collections?	The Crow stuff
Like To Be Naked?	sometimes
Ever Eaten Sushi?	yep not that bad
An Entire Case Of Oreos?	yeppers and it was good
Been On Stage?	yes when i was younger
Danced In The Rain?	yep
Kissed Someone Of The Same Sex?	yep
Weirdest Dream?	never really had one
Best Dream?	not sure
Saddest Dream?	???????
Dream You Most Wish Would Come True?	ill never tell
Think You're Attractive?	kinda
Shoplifted?	a long time ago
Been Caught "Doing Something"?	yep
Weirdest Makeout Place?	in a bathroom at a friends house
Like Thunderstorms?	love em
Favorite Shoes?	My Bam Shoes
Favorite Quote?	"Real Love is Forever"
Best Advice Given?	Make yourself happy before you make someone else happy
Worst Advice Given?	never really had bad advice
Favorite Song Lyric?	Just one look/Into your eyes/One look/And I'm crying/'Cause you're so beautiful/Just one kiss/And I'm alive/One kiss/And I'm ready to die/'Cause you're so beautiful, yeah
What Quote Says Most About Your Life?	Oh it's heartache every moment/From the start till the end/It's heartache every moment/With you
Glad This Is Over?	kinda
Create a Survey \| Search Surveys \| Go to bzoink!

Sorry

Thu, 07 Apr 2005 02:13:45 GMT

hey everyone sorry for not adding anything. alot of stuff has been going on. im still single. my parents are seperated. my mom moved out last week. im now living with my dad and brother. i guess thats all on the fam front. ive been spending alot of time with my friend Dan. i got back into playing Magic the gathering. ive also been spending a good amount of my time listening to a Finnish Band called HIM. i have to say that they are my Fav band and i cant listen to them enough. if youve never heard of them then i suggest you go out and buy Love Metal. its a great cd. ive been checking out some of my friends pages and noticed that cathy has been updating. im happy to see that she is doing good and that her twins are beautiful. Nick should be up in PA i hope by Aug. Ohh i got my first Tattoo. its a pretty on and i love it. im planing my second one now. i just need money-lol. Cameron and his girl broke up. she was cheating on him-lol. who didnt see that coming-lol. I still talk to John Paul but he's really busy with work and such. I dont really talk to Zach anymore but im cool with that i guess. He was always to busy to hang with me. so as of now i spend alot of time with Dan, i play magic alot, and im always listening to HIM. Lifes going pretty good right now i cant complain. except about not having a job-lol. for once i think im really happy. but im gonna go. got a movie to watch. YAY Netflix.

~Boo

Ull never guess

Tue, 24 Aug 2004 09:52:01 GMT

well ull never guess what happened today. for all my friends who hate to hear me talk about Cameron stop reading this now. well today i went out and spent sometime with Zach. it was fun i had a good time but anywahoo . . . . . i came home and started to play Theme Hospital and about 8:45 pm i got a call from Cameron. so u know at this point im freaking out. well anyway . . . he wanted to know if i wanted to hang out so i said sure (as u all knew i would). so he came and piked me up we went to his new place. its really nice. i got to see the Camaro. its looking really good. now if he could just get it on the road so i can get my ride. but anywahoo getting off track. so i got to check out his new place and see his new puppy Chance. he is so cute. well when he picked me up it seemed that he and his girl were having some problems so naturally i let him vent to me about them. so i kinda knew what was going on and how they were doing. but after him leaving me in the house to go outside to call her i broke down not to long later. i mean it wasnt like i intended to do it it just kinda happened. but after breaking down and protesting my love to him i felt better. i did finally get some questions i had answered. he has never cheated on me. he did/(?does?)love me. that at one time in out 6 years of relationships he did want to ask me to marry him. and that it hurt him to have to i guess u would say flush us down the tube. so there i felt a little better. and then he told me never to say never and that everything will work out. i have a strong feeling that him and his girl rnt going to work out. she is young and doesnt know what she wants. but i do have to say that Cameron has grown up a lot he still was the man i love just a little more mature. i know this will sound mean but i really hope Cameron and his girl dont work out. i would love to get another chance with him(i think this would be #8-lol). but all in all i feel a little better. i know whats going on with him and his girl and i know that there is actually some hope left. i mean i had hope but i didnt know if it was just wishful thinking or the actual thing. i still havent got an answer on the ring but i think that will stay a mystery. i guess this night want to bad i got to see my prince and talk to him. i got some actual hope. i guess im going to go to bed and dream of my prince.

~Boo

Sun, 22 Aug 2004 05:48:18 GMT

well today turned out to be a great day!!! i got to talk to Zach. :) i got a charlie brown smile. its been so long since i talked to him. wow so happy!! well i know this i short but im on the phone with him. later for now.

~ Boo

Cameron on the brain!!!!!

Mon, 19 Jul 2004 01:45:33 GMT

i know all my friends who read this r sick and tired of me bitching about Cameron. but sometimes i have to noone to talk to that understands it. so this is how i get all my thoughts and feelings out. i sent him a text message today just seeing how hes been and if he still with kelly and if hes trying to move out. but as i expected no responce. i also read all the notes he wrote me my junior his senior year. there full of i love you's and he always signed then "love always and forever and nothing or nobody will change that" i really wish i could find out how he truely feels 4 me. just put everything else out of the picture and find out. i need to learn to read minds that would help alot. but i guess i should keep to what i believe in "Real Love Is Forever" i love Cameron and its real love so it is going to be forever even if we never get back together i will still love him forever. sometimes i really wish he could read the posts i have here but from what i know he does not have internet anymore. deep down inside there is this feeling i have that tells me we will be together someday. even if that someday is 20 years down the road. i know he is the one that i am ment to be with. he is my prince!!

~Boo

ps the pic is from 1998 when i was 14 and he was 16

Another Hard Day

Sun, 18 Jul 2004 08:09:37 GMT

well i had another hard day!!! i wish i knew why i am having days where i cant think of anything but Cameron. the past 2 days have been tough 4 me. i cant seem to get him out of my head. but yesterday was weird i was at denny's with my friend Emily and i got a call from Cameron. i had been thinking about him nonstop all day . yeah he called but it was a stupid question. but now i cant stop thinking about him. i just want him to come up to me and take me in his arms and say everything will be okay and that he loves me. i know its never going to happen but i can still hope. i am surprised i still have any hope left. but sadly i do have some left. i really wish i could just tell him how i feel. but i cant. . . . i dont know if he is still with his girl Kelly or if they broke up or what. i do want him back but even if i cant have him back i still want him in my life. i just keep remembering everything we did together and how happy we were at times. i just would like to give it another try i mean we were young when we first started dating. . . . . i mean i was 13 and he was 16. but i just dont want to flush 6 years of my life down the drain without knowing that we are not ment 4 each other. i am the kind of person that believes there is one soul mate for everyone. i think Cameron is my soul mate, it is just something i feel deep down inside. i just know that im suppose to be with him. i know im starting to sound a little nutz but it is what i believe. now i know my friends who read this r thinking "why do u want to be with Cameron? he treated u so bad why do u want to go back to that?" well the answer is i love him. and i love u all but i dont care what u have to say. the whole time i was with Cameron i was so concerned with what my friends said and that fucked up alot of my relationship with him. so i dont care anymore. i love him and he makes me happy. there is only one other person that made me feel like i do when i am with Cameron. but he shall remain nameless. i guess all im saying is i want to be with Cameron . . . . . i love him and i wish i could tell him (even though i know he knows i love him) but i want him back and i dont know if i will ever feel any differently. but i am going to go

~Boo

Thoughts of the Past

Fri, 02 Jul 2004 02:51:55 GMT

i know its been a while since i have written but my comp died on me and i had to get a new one. but anywahoo . . . . . . today was a good day until just now. i found all of the notes Cameron wrote me. not a happy camper right now. i just can understand why we r not together. he always signed the notes "love you always and forever and nothing or noone will change that" well it did change. i try to move on and i am doing very well but i still love him. there is noone i can talk to about it. i use to tell him but he wont talk to me and he is with someone. im just so upset and fustrated i want to cry. he loved me so much and he never wanted to leave me or have me leave him. noone knows how badly i would give up everything to have him back. i just wish that i could know if he ever really loved me like i love him. but its Cameron so i will never know. :( i just want him to hold me again. i just want him to be with me. i dont know what to do???? i just want to curl in a corner and cry. i wish i could talk to him. i dont know what to do. im gonna go i need to think.

~Boo

Thu, 29 Apr 2004 00:41:20 GMT

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
8. Do you love me?
9. Do you have a crush on me?
10. Would you kiss me?
11. Would you hug me?
12. Physically, what stands out?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish I was cooler?
15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. Am I loveable?
18. How long have you known me?
19. Describe me in one word.
20. What was your first impression?
21. Do you still think that way about me now?
22. What do you think my weakness is?
23. Do you think I'll get married?
24. What makes me happy?
25. What makes me sad?
26. What reminds you of me?
27. If you could give me anything what would it be?
29. How well do you know me?
29. When's the last time you saw me?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I could kill someone?
32. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
33. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
34. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal and see what I say about you?

My Last Night At Blockbuster.

Mon, 08 Mar 2004 06:11:19 GMT

well it was my last night at blockbuster and it went very smoothly. it was nice i preped for tuesday and that was about it. such and easy night. i was worried that dale would have tried to make my last night a living hell. but i start my new job . . . . today actually-lol. i have to be at the mall at 10am. i hope it goes well. im so happy to be out of blockbuster. :) last nights concert was awsome. dave's band was so good. im so proud of him he has done well. luv ya dave :) well i best be off i have to be up at 8:30am.

~Boo

Sat, 06 Mar 2004 03:35:32 GMT

well today i put in my resignation. so sunday will be my last day at blockbuster video. monday i start at nails II. i cant wait to start i need something new and exciting in my life. i do have to admit that i will miss some of the ppl i work with. but hey i can still visit them. well i know this wasnt much of a entry but i just got off work and im hungry so im gonna go munch.

~ Boo

What A Day!!! :)

Fri, 05 Mar 2004 09:09:22 GMT

well my day started off interesting. i got woken up by a phone call at 10am it was from nails II. i planed to go work there and quit blockbuster. so i talked to the manager and he said he would give me a call back with the schedule, but he never called back. so at about 1:30pm i fell back asleep. i woke up at 3:30pm and called my friend Zach. So at like 4:30 he came and picked me up. we hung out at his house and watched some movies and talked about or love lives and work. i had a really good time it was fun. so my day was pretty good overall. so now my only worry is if/when will nails II call me. so i guess today was a good day:) and dave if ur reading this thanks for the comments hun. keep sending them :) its nice to get emails-lol better go almost time for adult swim.

~ Boo

Same Shit, Different Day

Thu, 04 Mar 2004 05:12:12 GMT

well today was the same old, same old. i woke up at like 1pm and didnt do anything all day. i called off work bc i wasnt feeling to good. so i didnt have to go in but i had to call every person that works there to find someone to cover for me. so i stayed home for a while. then i called my friend ceaser and we hung out and talked for a little while. so it was nice talking to someone who i know cares for me and a true friend.but other than that my day was a little boring. but i better go.

~ Boo

Interesting Day

Wed, 03 Mar 2004 06:41:30 GMT

well today was a nice but interesting day. i had to work 10am - 2pm. but it was an easy day i worked with mike and had a good work day for once. i came home and just passed out. god was i tired. i woke up to john paul calling me saying he wanted to get together tonight. well he never called me back. so i stayed home the rest of the night. yesterday i got to talk to cameron. we agreed we could be friends. so we talked for like 2 hours about the new things going on in our lives. so its nice to know that he will be in my life even though we are not together. so its been an okay week so far. i hope it stays that way.

~Boo

First Entry

Mon, 01 Mar 2004 22:18:57 GMT

well this is my first entry into this journal. theres not much to say i have a very boring life. i am looking for a new job right now. blobkbuster video just isnt cutting it. i need to find a job that pays more and where i can get the hours. im still single and looking but i have a feeling that im gonna be that way for a loong time-lol. but anywahoo . . . . nothing else of real interest. better go before i start to ramble.

~Boo

~*~Darkest Thoughts on Fire~*~

Kaikki mitä mä annoin . . . . . My story website

~*~Drunken Nights~*~

New Web Site

69 Eyes Concert

Sorry

Stole this From Aprille

Nothing Really

Boring Day

Bored-lol

Sorry

Ull never guess

Cameron on the brain!!!!!

Another Hard Day

Thoughts of the Past

My Last Night At Blockbuster.

What A Day!!! :)

Same Shit, Different Day

Interesting Day

First Entry

~~Darkest Thoughts on Fire~~

~~Drunken Nights~~